Abby Asks

When a therapist asks how you’re doing, I consider that a loaded question.  I mean, does the session begin when the therapist greets you in the hallway?  Or is it really small talk (because sometimes a cigar is just a cigar)?   What happens if I answer wrong?  If I say “just okay” will I be labeled a failure, someone unresponsive to treatment?  Worse, if I fake happiness (think: overly enthusiastic “just fine!”) will I be accused of not taking my treatment seriously?

I’m a bit OCD so perhaps I’ve thought about this a teensy bit too much.

Judging by my posts, it should also be obvious that I’m socially inept.  Small talk confounds me.  When anyone asks me how I’m doing (therapist or plumber) I feel like I have to answer honestly.  But they don’t really care about my answer because just as soon as they finish the question they’re already walking the other way.  I don’t do drive by hi.

Responding to emails is also confusing. People send me messages belonging in that gray area I call “do I need to freaking write back?”  There were no direct questions to me.  Of course, it’s implied that the sender wants feedback (or attention).  Or do they?  Sometimes they’ll tell me to say hi to someone – generally someone I know.  Do I write back and say “sure thing”?  And then when I do say hi do I write again saying “they say hi back”?  I sometimes harbor guilt when I don’t pass the hi forward.  But really, isn’t that just something you say?  “Say hi” translates to “I’m pretending to care about your (friend, family, pet, porcupine or giraffe) but I don’t want to go to any great lengths to prove this.”

I think I need therapy.  And how are you?

The other day I watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in German with my two-year-old niece.  I don’t know how we got there but it started with dogs popping balloons.  My niece loves dogs and balloons – leave it to YouTube to combine the two.  Incidentally, we discovered PetTube, which was supposed to provide a treasure trove of fabulous animal videos.  My niece’s assessment:  Eh.

There’s something scary about Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in German.  In the transition from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse to Micky Maus Wunderhaus something odd happens.  Mickey’s upright walking looks like goosestepping and all his little handy helpers salute as he goosesteps by.   Daisy and Minnie wear the cartoon version of “Come f#%k me heels” and Professor Von Drake is a little too into his experiments.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  How does someone who purports to have a Master’s degree know the characters in a cartoon?  I submit that analyzing pop culture is part of my job (and I used the word “purports”; that should give me some academic street cred. And who doesn’t know Mickey Mouse?)  In related news, the Library of Congress is archiving messages from Twitter.  Pop culture is important; THE Library says so.

Now perhaps I’m being unfair in my description of Micky Maus.  In fact, my niece didn’t find any of it troubling.  In retrospect, someone should call CPS to remove my strange imagination.